Healing Your Relationship with Money with AJ Schneider

Rita Mercer Author

Money is emotional. Learn how to heal shame, fear, and spending habits with practical tools for financial wellness.

Did you know that money carries stories?

Yes, it carries stories, attached to memories, emotions, and inherited beliefs that we often don’t realize we’re still living out. In this rich and deeply honest conversation on The Daring Well Podcast, I sat down with AJ Schneider — mom, wife, financial strategist, and founder of Beyond the Green Coaching — to explore the emotional landscape behind our financial decisions.

As a counselor and holistic wellness coach, I often remind people that healing doesn’t happen solely in the mind; it happens in our nervous system, relationships, and daily patterns. This episode is such a powerful reminder that financial wellness is emotional wellness. Our spending, our fears, our shame, and even our avoidance all tell a story. AJ brings wisdom, transparency, and heartfelt guidance that help us finally see our relationship with money clearly — and extend compassion to ourselves along the way.

Below is a full exploration of our conversation, organized with clear sections to help you connect the dots between financial behavior, emotional patterns, and long-term wellness.

The Emotional Roots of Our Money Story

Most people believe they struggle with money because they’re “bad at math,” but as AJ shared, math is rarely the real problem. We don’t spend because numbers failed us. We spend because emotions lead the way — stress, loneliness, desire, discomfort, comparison, burnout, frustration, or the need to feel good for a moment.

Many of us learned our earliest beliefs about money through the emotional atmosphere we grew up in. If money caused tension, fear, arguments, or unpredictability, then chaos may feel more familiar than stability. Without realizing it, we repeat the same patterns as adults until we consciously choose to rewrite the script.

Key Points

• Money behaviors are emotional responses — not logical calculations.
• Family dynamics shape how we view money, security, and worth.
• We often internalize financial chaos as “normal” because we grew up in survival mode.

This section reminds us that you cannot heal your finances without first acknowledging your emotional history. Healing begins with awareness.

When Money Becomes a Mirror

AJ described money as “a mirror for your emotions,” a concept that resonates deeply within mental health work. Money exposes what we avoid, what we crave, and where we feel insecure. For some, spending becomes a way to regulate emotions they don’t know how to sit with. For others, saving feels unsafe because stability is unfamiliar.

Why This Matters

Money reflects what is happening inside of us.
When we’re stressed, we overspend.
When we’re lonely, we treat ourselves.
When we’re overwhelmed, we avoid our accounts entirely.

And when we’re healed or healing, our choices begin to reflect clarity instead of urgency.

The invitation here is not to judge but to observe. Money becomes a powerful teacher when we allow ourselves to look closely.

Why Many People Stay in the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle

One of the most compelling parts of our conversation was when AJ explained why so many people unconsciously “love” living paycheck to paycheck. It’s not that they actually love it — it’s that it feels familiar, safe, and predictable.

If you’ve lived in survival mode, dreaming beyond today or this week feels terrifying. Long-term planning can feel impossible when your nervous system is accustomed to financial adrenaline.

Key Insights

• Survival mode keeps us focused only on immediate needs.
• Predictability, even of chaos, can feel safer than the unknown.
• To build wealth, you must shift your timeline from days to years — even decades.

Moving beyond paycheck-to-paycheck living is not simply about budgeting; it’s about expanding your capacity to envision the future self you’re worthy of becoming.

The Power of Seeing Your 80-Year-Old Self

AJ shared a beautiful exercise: imagine your 80-year-old self sitting in your boardroom. This version of you has wisdom, clarity, and perspective. She is not swayed by impulse or instant gratification. She understands what truly matters.

Reflective Questions to Ask Yourself

• What would my 80-year-old self want me to prioritize today?
• What choices today help me experience grace, stability, and dignity later?
• What obstacles stand in the way of the future I desire — and how can I begin removing them?

Age, in AJ’s words, is a privilege. And caring for your future self is one of the most profound acts of self-respect and self-love you can practice today.

Shame, Fear, and Guilt: The Emotional Barriers to Financial Wellness

Throughout the episode, AJ broke down the three most common emotional obstacles that keep people stuck: shame, fear, and guilt.

Each emotion has its own “antidote”—the action or mindset shift that dissolves its power.

1. Shame → Acknowledgment

Shame thrives in secrecy.
It grows when we stay silent or try to manage everything internally.

Shame says:
“I’m the only one who struggles with money.”
“I can’t let anyone know how bad this is.”
“I should have figured this out by now.”

But the moment you speak the truth aloud — even privately with a coach, therapist, or trusted friend — the weight lifts.

Why Acknowledgment Works

• Naming the truth frees you from hiding.
• Shame cannot survive exposure or connection.
• Talking about your financial reality reconnects you to your power.

This is why so many people cry during AJ’s discovery calls: they speak truths they’ve carried alone for years.

2. Fear → Trust and Surrender

Fear often shows up when we don’t trust ourselves — with money, with long-term decisions, or with holding onto stability.

Some people overspend because they doubt their ability to maintain boundaries.
Others hoard money because they fear losing security.
And some avoid finances altogether because the unknown feels overwhelming.

Trust and surrender bring relief.

Trusting yourself means believing you can handle your future with wisdom.
Surrendering means accepting that you cannot control everything — only your response.

This balance allows you to navigate uncertainty without spiraling.

3. Guilt → Acceptance and Forgiveness

Guilt keeps people stuck in the past — replaying mistakes, regretting decisions, or punishing themselves for financial choices they made when they were surviving.

Acceptance says:
“This is my reality. I acknowledge it fully.”

Forgiveness says:
“I did the best I could with what I knew. Now I choose better.”

Why This Heals

• Acceptance grounds you in the present moment, where change is actually possible.
• Forgiveness unlocks compassion and clears emotional clutter.
• You can’t build wealth while clinging to old self-blame.

Financial healing requires emotional courage — but the reward is freedom.

How You Show Up Matters: Integrity, Energy, and Authenticity

AJ shared a touching story about a manager she once worked with at a potato shop in Australia. This woman, working a simple job, embodied integrity, consistency, and grace. She showed up fully, regardless of the role she held.

This story reminds us that your relationship with money is not just about numbers — it’s about how you show up for yourself.

Do you show up with honesty, consistency, and intention?
Or do you show up with avoidance, fear, and shame?

The Way We Do One Thing Becomes the Way We Do Everything

This section invites you to see money as a relationship, not a task.
One that deserves authenticity, respect, and consistent care — just like any meaningful relationship in your life.

Practical Action Steps for Strengthening Your Money Mindset

To wrap up our conversation, AJ offered simple, grounding steps that anyone can take today to understand their emotional relationship with money more deeply.

1. Track Your Emotions Every Time You Spend

This small exercise can be life-changing.

Every time you make a purchase, pause and write down:

• What emotion am I feeling?
• What triggered the urge to spend?
• What need am I trying to meet?

Over time, patterns start to reveal themselves, giving you clarity and compassion.

2. Review the Last 3 Months of Spending

This is not about judgment — it’s about truth.

Pull statements for:

• Credit cards
• Debit cards
• Amazon
• Target
• Subscriptions

Ask yourself:
“What do my spending habits reveal about what I value?”

The answers are often surprising and empowering.

3. Pay Attention to How People Around You Talk About Money

Your financial mindset is heavily influenced by your environment.
Listen closely to the language your friends, family, and coworkers use.

Do they speak with fear?
Scarcity?
Shame?
Or empowerment?

This practice helps you reset your internal money language and expand your perspective.

How to Work with AJ Schneider

Explore coaching, programs, and resources at:
https://www.beyondthegreencoaching.com

AJ offers a full range of support through Beyond the Green Coaching, including:

• Self-paced e-learning programs
• Monthly or weekly coaching memberships
• Small business financial coaching and masterminds
• Corporate financial wellness benefits

Her programs meet people exactly where they are — emotionally, financially, and practically. Whether you’re drowning in debt or ready to build wealth, her approach blends emotional awareness, education, and long-term strategy. 

Final Thoughts: Financial Wellness Is Whole-Person Wellness

This conversation with AJ was powerful, timely, and deeply healing. No matter the season of life you’re in — holidays, summer, or the beginning of a new year — financial wellness is essential. It shapes your peace, confidence, relationships, and even your sense of self-worth.

You deserve financial clarity.
You deserve emotional freedom.
You deserve a relationship with money rooted in dignity, grace, and empowerment.

And the healing starts with simply telling yourself the truth.

Keywords

financial wellness, money mindset, emotional spending, healing financial shame, overcoming fear of money, money trauma, financial self-care, budgeting with intention, Beyond the Green Coaching, women and money empowerment

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Categories: : Self Care, Shame, Financial Wellness