Breaking Free from Shame & Guilt: Journey of Self-Love & Self-Forgiveness

Rita Mercer Author

Let's explore how to transform shame and guilt into a source of power for greater self-love and self-forgiveness.

Are you tired of not feeling free in your mindset and relationships? Are you ready to break free from shame and guilt? Many of us struggle with these emotions, but few talk about them. 

Defining Shame and Guilt

I always say, you can’t change something that you’re not aware of.

So, let’s first start by tracing the deep roots of shame and guilt so we can raise our awareness and overcome these heavy emotions.

Many confuse shame with guilt. What does shame really look like? What does guilt feel like?

Understanding the difference between shame and guilt is crucial for self-awareness and emotional freedom.

Shame:

• Tied to our sense of identity and self-worth.
• Leads to feelings of worthlessness, embarrassment, and hopelessness.
• Makes us want to hide, isolate, and disconnect.

Guilt:

• Tied to specific actions or behaviors.
• Arises when we believe we have done something wrong or not met expectations.
• Can motivate us to take responsibility and make amends.

Distinguishing between these two emotions helps us to better understand how we show up for ourselves and in our relationships. This distinction is important to finding freedom as we move forward in our journey to self-love and self-forgiveness.

Shame & Guilt Through the Lens of Control

Awareness is the pathway to freedom. Understanding how we perceive control can help us manage shame and guilt.

When shame and guilt feels out of control, we try to control it with unhealthy options.

I wonder, what would it look like to let go some of that control. Ask yourself, is this helping or is this hurting me? It’s just that simple my friend. If it’s hurting you, it’s time to let go. It’s no longer serving you.

Internal Control:

• Belief in power over actions and outcomes.
• Can lead to taking responsibility and making positive changes.

External Control:

• Belief that outside forces control our lives.
• Can lead to feelings of helplessness and reliance on external validation.

Guilt and Internal Control:

• Linked to specific actions, motivating responsibility and change.

Shame and External Control:

• Linked to identity, fostering a sense of powerlessness and dependence on others for validation.

Exploring Negative Self-Talk

Now, let’s take a look at negative self-talk. This is the internal dialogue that goes on in our minds. Whew! Our minds can be a scary place sometimes. I understand how being mindful and practicing mindfulness can be hard to start - just learning to be alone with your thoughts. But the more you lean into being more mindful, it truly becomes a way of life and a way of being more present to validate your feelings, your thoughts, and your actions.

What’s holding you back? Is it shame? Is it guilt?

You know, it’s the stuff we say to our self that we would never say to a good friend. Negative talk associated with shame and guilt is very damaging to our self-esteem, our emotional wellbeing, and affects how we show up in our relationships.

Negative self-talk reinforces shame and guilt, damaging self-esteem and emotional well-being.

Negative Self-Talk Tied to Shame:

• "I am bad."
• "I'm not good enough."
• "I'm unworthy."

Negative Self-Talk Tied to Guilt:

• "I did something bad."
• "It's my fault."
• "I can't forgive myself."

Recognizing and challenging these thoughts is the first step towards healing.

Next Steps and Practical Ways to Overcome Shame and Guilt

How is shame and guilt holding you back from showing up as your true self?

Shame and guilt are tough emotions and can keep us feeling stuck. But it’s all part of the human experience. We all have struggled with it, but few are too scared or too ashamed to admit it. So they just hide and shrink in fear. And never fully show up as their true self in relationships, in work, and even in their identity. My hope for you my dear is that you find freedom in your mind, body, and spirit so you can live fully and freely as you were created to be.

The truth is, overcoming shame and guilt is a journey, it’s not a one and done, because there are many life experiences that have created all these deep roots, these neural networks in your mind.

But, there is hope. I want to share a few simple and very practical steps we can take to begin this journey of freedom and healing from shame and guilt.

1. Acknowledge & Accept Your Feelings:
   • Recognize and sit with your emotions without judgment.
2. Practice Self-Compassion:
   • Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, as you would a friend.
3. Challenge Negative Self-Talk:
   • Identify and question negative thoughts, replacing them with positive affirmations.
4. Set Healthy Boundaries:
   • Prioritize your well-being and know your limits.
5. Practice Self-Forgiveness:
   • Let go of past mistakes and focus on learning and growth.
6. Seek Professional Help:
   • Consider talking to a licensed therapist if shame and guilt feel overwhelming.

Positive Mindset to Reframe Shame & Guilt Messages

Developing a positive mindset can help reframe shame and guilt.

1. Gratitude Practice:
   • Reflect regularly on what you’re grateful for.
2. Affirmations:
   • Repeat positive affirmations that reinforce your worth.
3. Mindfulness and Meditation:
   • Stay present and reduce the influence of negative thoughts.
4. Surround Yourself with Positivity:
   • Engage with supportive people and limit exposure to negativity.
5. Celebrate Small Wins:
   • Acknowledge and celebrate your progress.

By integrating these strategies into your daily life, you can shift your perspective and reduce the power of shame and guilt over your emotions.

Closing

You are not defined by your mistakes. You are valuable, worthy, and deserving of forgiveness and compassion. By practicing self-forgiveness, challenging negative self-talk, adopting a positive mindset, and taking practical steps towards healing, you can move forward with a sense of empowerment and self-love.

I hope this post helps you on your journey to self-love and self-forgiveness. Remember, today is a new day, and you can start again. Keep living, loving, and daring well!

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Categories: : Guilt, Self Forgiveness, Self Love, Shame